The People I admire, but know I can never be like

We all have those people that we admire. We see them sometimes on television, or they can be people in our everyday lives. Small heros, maybe. Unrecognized ones. For me, I see these types of people extremely rarely, but they do exist. One example can be my school mates – who, admittedly, I am surprised to admit. Truthfully speaking, I did not take Sociology of Ethnic Studies intentionally – I actually wanted Sociology of Marriage and the Family. So, when I actually got this course, I was extremely annoyed and discontent. Mostly because it touches upon the ideas of racism, one of my most hated topics until now. I know some people wonder why that is; I would say it’s actually psychological. Ever since I was about 16, til now, almost 21, all I see or hear about is some racist act that Arabs or Muslims or both have done against America or other countries. Unfortunately, all it does it cause hatred in the states. One example can be when people drew the prophet (peace be upon him) in my class. I was mad for 3 days, not being able to even express my anger. Another was when I heard someone call my people ragheads. All of this person’s friends began laughing with her, as if it was some golly joke. I think that’s really the reason I wanted to dodge a class like this so badly; I was so bothered and annoyed of hearing this constant humiliation of my race and religion, I always try to escape these sort of classes so I don’t end up thinking about killing myself or getting angry every single night.

I believe this is why I admire 2 people in particular in my class; a young man and a young woman who I will not state by name, but instead state by character. One of them is the most intelligent from my class, and is also the most humble. He participates in class, but without arrogance, and speaks calmly yet still gets his point across. The other? Well, she does not participate much in class, but from the beginning her heart stood out to me; she had a certain special kind of understanding built within her from the very beginning, which is why I could not forget her, nor him. Both prove to me that even though the world is 80 percent shit, there are some decent people left. From what I see from their hearts and character, I admire them greatly; because they are the exact opposite of myself.

I know it is probably a question of why. Why would I say such a thing about myself. It’s because well, I have a very low patience level and tendency to snap at people; maybe not directly, but in my heart I can instantly develop a hatred for a person for many years. I do feel proud of myself that I am able to admit this, and even though this would never become a popular paper, I do appreciate those who take the time and effort to read it. My flaws, despite everything, can still see the good in some people. Which for me, is saying a whole lot.

Amal.

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